


Talking Meta

by Treon



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 14:18:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treon/pseuds/Treon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal and Peter discuss h/c</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking Meta

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the fan_flashworks 'Comfort' challenge.

It was another boring day at White Collar.  Neal and Peter were sitting in Peter's office, going through bank statements as part of an insurance scam investigation.  Neal thought it bordered on cruel and unusual punishment.  It was one thing to creatively find ways to hide money from the government, but trying to find it later was like looking for a needle in a haystack.  How could people do this for a living, and enjoy it?

  
"Peter," he asked, looking listlessly at his never-ending pile.  "If I ever had to be in the hospital, would you come visit me?"

  
"Sure."  Peter turned a page, his finger moving down the line of numbers.  "I'll even bake you cupcakes."

  
Neal looked pained.  "No, seriously."

  
Peter shot him a look.  "Why?  Are you planning on ending up in a hospital anytime soon?"

  
"Well, I was just thinking-"

  
"Here we go."

  
Neal paid him no heed.  "I might get shot in the line of duty.  Or have to rush into a burning building to save a little girl."

  
Peter rolled his eyes.  "Or fall down a bunch of stairs.  You know those statements aren't going to analyze themselves."

  
Neal figured he had another ten thousand pages more to go.  "So you'll leave me in the hospital alone?"

  
Peter finally looked up from his own pile of papers.  "OK.  Yeah, I'll come visit you."

  
"And sit by my bedside while I'm fighting for my life?"

  
"And do what?" Peter frowned.

  
Neal shrugged, "You could solve crosswords."

  
"OK.  How about you solve the case, and then we'll discuss your theoretical hospital stay?"

  
"Because I might get bored.  Being all alone in a hospital."

  
"Hard to imagine."  Peter got back to his bank statements.

  
Neal flipped through his 'to go over' pile and shot Peter a quick look.  "Will you really bake me cupcakes?"

  
"Only if you shut up now about it."

  
With a sigh Neal got back to work.  Cruel and unusual punishment, that's what it was.

  
****

  
Neal managed to go through two more pages before his attention wandered. "You have a guest room, right?"

  
Peter heaved a long sigh and looked up once again from his pile. "What?"

  
"A guest room. For when I come back from the hospital. I mean, I guess I could take the couch, but I've already had the pleasure, and believe me, it's not the most comfy couch."

  
"You're serious."

  
"Yeah. I'd do much better with a normal bed."

  
"That's now what I-"

  
But Neal didn't really pay any attention. "You do have a normal bed in your guest room, right? Because I don't like those fold away beds. They're not good for my back."

  
Peter shook his head in wonder. "What's wrong with your own bed? In your own home?"

  
"My home?"

  
"Yes!"

  
Neal blinked. "You wouldn't want me convalescing all on my own, would you? After I took a bullet for you, too."

  
"Or fell down the stairs." Peter muttered. He could see they weren't going to get any work done. "Fine. You could stay by us until you get better. Happy?"

  
"Do you have a guest room?"

  
"I'm sure we'll set one up special for you. Now can we get back to work?"

  
Neal tapped his pen idly against his stack of papers. "With a normal bed?"

  
"Work!"

  
****

  
A few minutes later, Neal looked up again from his work.  "Peter, I think-"

  
"No, don't tell me."  Peter held up a hand to quiet his partner.  "Let me guess.  You'd want us to stay home and take care of you while you recuperate."

  
"Well.."

  
"Because what's work and other responsibilities compared with a convalescing CI."

  
Neal couldn't help but agree.  "I thought that went without saying.  But that's not-"

  
"No, no, no.." Peter was on a roll.  "Let me, please.  You'd want everybody to come visit?"

  
"Actually, I'd probably prefer a bit of peace and quiet."

  
"Oh, I know.  You'd want a party."

  
"A party?"

  
"Once you come back to work.  With balloons and cake.  And a big banner," Peter waved his arm to demonstrate, "saying 'Welcome Back Neal!'."

  
"That actually would be nice."

  
"But..?"

  
Neal exhaled slowly.  "Does this look like fanfic to you?"

  
"What?"  Peter wasn't following.

  
Neal shook his head.  "Never mind.  What I'm trying to say, Peter, is that I think I found a discrepancy in the withdrawals."  His finger was holding the spot on the page.

  
"Oh.  Right."

  
"But, if you want to throw a party, I really wouldn't object.." Neal shrugged.  Peter was already turning various shades of purple.  "Or not.  Up to you."

  
"Let's just focus on work, shall we?"

  
Neal rolled his eyes.  Wasn't that what he'd been doing all along?


End file.
